Did you know that February 1st is Time to Talk Day? I first came across it in 2018 where I wrote a blog post about my story and the value of talking for mental health.
Thankfully in the years since then I have been healed. I do have down days – the winter doesn’t help – but I do not sink into depression. I can’t remember the exact day it lifted but I do know that it was an answer to other people’s prayers and mine.
This year (I know it’s only been a month!) I have had spaghetti for a mind. Everything has been muddled up and needs untangling. Maybe it’s more like one of my threads boxes than spaghetti!
I have been overwhelmed and over thinking. Actually some of it started the Thursday before Christmas when I did some free machine embroidery on the latest textile piece I’m supposedly working on. It just didn’t fit the piece of work or the picture in my head. And really why would something so innocuous send me spiralling into anxiety. The work and the machine sat on the table for what felt like forever but was actually just over 2 weeks. I couldn’t go into the room. I felt I couldn’t do any thing creative. I couldn’t even think about being creative without shaking inside. I have never suffered from anxiety – just a few butterflies before interviews or exams. But day after day there it was. I self-medicated with binge watching Chinese drama videos on YouTube.
Some of them are supposed to be comedies. I think some of them are supposed to be serious. But seriously, there’s slow motion kissing, slow motion gazing (how do you gaze in slow motion?), slow motion walking and slow motion running. And of course, slow motion blinking. There’s also either a scheming man or woman or both, a firm-jawed cold CEO and a waif described as Cinderella in the click bait title.
I haven’t written blog posts here. I did do one for church on Perspective. Actually I wrote about perspective on this blog post From under the sideboard. I haven’t written in my planner/creative journal. I have managed to turn up to a studio day and a workshop but it was a struggle. I also turned up for two poetry zoom classes but ended up somewhat further down the spiral after one of the poems I wrote stirred up a problem I thought I’d dealt with.
Chinese drama aside, I have also talked to people. I’ve ‘chatted’ by text on Messenger, I’ve been on zoom calls and I’ve met with people in person.
Looking back, the issue of whether I should give up textiles and mixed media has come up about every 4 years. Should I throw out everything and find something else to do? Rest assured, it wouldn’t be cooking!
However during this last 6 weeks it’s been obvious that I need to be creative. It’s what I’m meant to do. Creativity is the gift God has given me in order to help, support and encourage others in their creativity whatever that looks like.
I’m so thankful for all the people who have listened to me during the past few weeks. It is so good to have people you can trust who will listen without condemnation.
Each of them said in one way or another some or all of the following:
- I’m supposed to be creating
- I encourage and support others
- I need to be kinder to myself
- I need to find the joy
What do you need to find?
What do you need to talk about?
Do you have a trusted friend who will listen?
If you don’t, email me and I’ll start a conversation with you.
Maybe you could become a listening friend.
Thanks for ‘listening’ today.
Bernice
